Comeback Kid

I have this co-staff in the hospital and we stay in the same callroom. He’s fat and jolly and always carries his big back pack with his big laptop with him.

Today, he is playing skyrim on loud speakers. And hes shouting the lines in the game and he seems to be genuinely enjoying being his dorky self. He only plays RPG games and he likes announcing to the world what hes playing, as if we care.

Aside from that, hes generally nice. So anyway, one can conclude that this guy is a mega fuckin dork. Not that i hate dorks, i actually dont. His tactlessness to play his stupid game on loudspeaker just brought me to write this post.

The world runs on stereotypes usually and basing logic on that i cant believe this guy has the following qualities:

1. Hes an orthopedic surgeon.
Reason: they are usually the chauvinistic macho type and are athletic
2. He listens to rock music.
Reason: it just doesnt fit. But to some extent, yeah, it actually could.
3. Hes married
Reason: do i need one?

It just doesnt make sense. And im
Actually getting tired of his shit.

Trying to keep myself busy with career oriented stuff. from a once a week 36 hour shift, i actually accepted another shift and I’m contemplating on taking another one in a different hospital.

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life but I hope it pays off.

My senior in Asian Hospital arrived at work today tired from a 48-hour shift in another hospital. He wasn’t his usual jolly self today he lacked that mischievous smile he was always known for.

For the past week, he has been waiting for the results of his surgery diplomate exam, which after having taken it, he felt confident with his performance but for the whole interim refused to acknowledge that fact for he might jinx it.

Days went by and he seemed to be preoccupied with shows, games and the usual domestic problems with the mother of his kid. I overheard him one night blurt out that it was unfair that he had to pay for the whole amount of his son’s tuition fee when in the past it always has been 50/50 with the mother. In spite of all these things, he still would be jolly, mischievous JQ, that was his monicker among the staff of asian hospital.

It caught my attention that today, he wasn’t like his usual self. I always thought highly of his endurance when it came to work. I never caught him tired or indecisive of his actions as a surgeon. He always was happy and fun loving. His hyena-like laughter always seemed to trail behind him as if it were spelled out in the air just like in a comic book. Today, JQ seemed tired, irritable and bothered. Perhaps he got word that today was the day he’d get his exam results.

The day passed and once all the work was done, he kept to himself in the surgical call room. He seemed to be so focused playing candy crush, all crunched up on the corner of his bunk bed.

I went out to do my rounds on the patients and when i came back, the call room was dark for everyone was about to sleep; that was around midnight. he asked me how many lap procedures were scheduled for tomorrow. I told him there were 4 and the 1st one starts at 9am. He replied “ok” and paused for a second and half a breath. Then he blurted out “i did not pass my diplomate exam.” This was followed by an awkward hyena-like laugh that sounded more like a wail. I did not know to say except for the standard “i’m sorry to hear that” and simply replied “life goes on, i have to focus on the positives.”

After that moment, he went back to playing candy crush but it was different this time. Against a pitch black background the light from his cellphone revealed the only thing important at that moment, his eyes. Through his eyes, i saw all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance. It was moving in a way. I wanted to take a good photo of him that time but i deemed that action to be disrespectful that instant. I just watched him finish his game and i tried to imprint that image in my head because I’d like to remember that when I take my diplomate exam in the distant future.

I wish i could think of a good way to end this post but personally i don’t deal with failure and grief well and i get caught up with the moment for quite a while, which is why i cannot do anything more than leave this story as it is.